A House Full of Feelings: How to Welcome Every Visitor”
If our thoughts and feelings are house guests, what type of guests stay at yours?
The metaphor of a human being being a guest house is taken from this wonderful poem by Rumi.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house……….Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”
I don’t know about your guest house, I know mine tends to be quieter on the weekend as most of my more rowdy house guests tend to appear during the week.
I definitely have a squatter up in the loft who’s been there a long time, staying rent free and who refuses to leave. No number of eviction notices or clever tactics have ever worked.
My squatter likes to:
appear at night time or at dawn.
raid my fridge, stealing my goodies (joy, fun, peace, confidence).
wander around after me like a bad smell.
lurk in dark corners just waiting to jump out and terrify me when I least expect it.
May I introduce you to my resident squatter and one of my regular “bad” guests who I’d much rather be without……..Mr Fear (I think his mate “Doubt” might be bunking up with him in the loft. They’re like besties!).
Who are the regulars in your guest house?
“This human being is a guest house….Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.”
If you viewed your own thoughts and feelings as house guests….
Who are your regular visitors?
Which ones do you like having as house guests? Which ones do you want to stay?
Which ones do you dislike and try to get rid of?
How do you treat your house guests? Do they stay for a long time and take up a lot of your energy?
As kids we were given instructions about running a guest house
I know I’ve been taught that I should only have “good” guests and any “bad” guests should be ejected quickly or worst case shoved in the cupboard under the stairs in case anyone else sees they’re there.
“Good” guests include joy, fun, flow, kindness, ease, peace, connection, love and “bad” guests include anger, rage, fear, worry, doubt and sadness to name a few.
As Rumi invites us - What if we chose to perceive our house guests differently?
“Welcome them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture…Still treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes……because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”
This changes how I think about my house guests. How about you?
Indeed, I remember years ago seeing that my squatter in the loft, Mr Fear, could actually be a friend.
Fear’s role was to show up and be annoying any time I wasn’t being true to myself or when I’d become caught up in some limiting belief that wasn’t true or when I was on the cusp of breaking through a comfort zone.
So what if your worst guests are actually friends in disguise?
Have you ever noticed how good they are at getting your attention and that they don’t tend to take no for an answer?
Your friend anger, for instance, may be pointing to an underlying hurt that could be loved and healed. Or an injustice in the world where we, as humans, could step up and be better.
My invitation to you
My invitation to you is to come off automatic and explore your own house guests and your relationship with them. We don’t tend to realise that we have different relationships with different thoughts and feelings.
Here are some questions to explore:
Which thoughts and feelings do you regard as friendly and welcome?
Which thoughts and feelings do you dislike and try to repel?
If you were curious and treated them all equally, welcomed them all what would be different in your guest house?
What would be different in your world?
Certainly, as I’ve learned to soften my resistance to certain guests, I’ve noticed my life feels lighter and freer. I work much less hard at controlling my thoughts and feelings.
To be human is to think and to feel.
We can’t truly have joy if we can’t be with sorrow. We can’t have passion if we suppress our anger as they’re such close energies.
When we “welcome them all” life becomes richer and we become freer.
Have fun with this exploration. I promise you it can be very illuminating and freeing.
Great reflections. Have to admit mine never seem like children when I'm griped by them and i notice other days they do feel like naughty teens.
I love the metaphor using house guests for of feelings, thoughts and at times even metabolic reactions.
It gives a way to reframe situations that likely are emotionally close in a way that allows me to think about them not unlike when I help someone else in our situation: from the ‘outside’ or at least ‘emotionally separated’ position allowing to take a breather and deal with it step by step instead of all at once - fight or flight type in case of domineering emotions.