Finding Your Tribe Changes Everything
Be ruthless - find your people - tolerate nothing less!
“Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.” Amy Poehler
I have a deep yearning to find MY people, my tribe for this stage in my life.
I’ve suddenly found myself at odds with the social circle that I’ve moved in for a couple of years. All “nice” middle England ex professional people.
It’s just become so uncomfortable to be around them. It’s like I’m totally out of integrity with myself. It feels yuck.
On the outside they’re really nice and friendly to each other, all smiles and kissy kissy. Two minutes later when in private the knives come out and character assassinations commence.
I don’t know if it has always been like that but that’s what I notice these days.
I sit there silently. I don’t get involved. I wonder should I get up and walk away?
Should I call them on their crap and risk expulsion? Why don’t I?
Is sitting there, albeit not engaging, make me just as guilty?
Grief it’s like being back at school!
I’ve always lived on the edge of social groups. I’ve never really fitted in apart from the times like when I was on high performing teams in sport or banking.
I’ve been ostracised often enough for not kowtowing but it hurts. It’s lonely. It’s like it cuts right through to my core.
Yet it seems like I’m not destined nor designed to fit into the “norm” - maybe at some level that’s a sort of superpower and frees me up to live a freer life and yet…….
We all crave belonging. Don’t you?
It can get really exhausting ploughing your field on your own for too long.
“The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food.” Dean Ornish
But not at any cost…….
The cost of not finding your people, your tribe is too high
PUT YOURSELF FIRST AND STOP TOLERATING IT - PLEASE!!!
When we don’t appreciate and claim our right to thrive surrounded by our people:
We feel lonely and isolated even in groups. Without that deep sense of belonging, we’re always on the outside looking in - we want to belong but at another level we don’t.
We’re plagued with self-doubt and we tend to play small. When we don’t have people who see and appreciate us for who we are it’s natural to shrink, it’s natural to doubt our gifts so we stay stuck in places that don’t support our flourishing.
We get our life-force sucked out of us. When we spend time with the wrong crowd ie people who don’t value or uplift us (they tend to be way more interested in themselves) it drains our energy and we never feel truly seen. We’re not valued and cherished for who we are.
We can start to lack purpose and direction because we’ve lost connection with ourselves. It’s easy to feel lost, uninspired, or confused about what we’re really meant to be up to. It certainly doesn’t have us be courageous and taking risks.
We miss out on fun, joy, adventure, deep connection and love. Our experience of life is duller, more unstable - Life is then something to navigate rather than something to relish.
“You don’t have to do it alone. You were never meant to.” Brene Brown
It’s funny that I find MY people in my coaching clients who are totally fab and definitely energy giving. However, I don’t seem to duplicate that socially. Why is that? If you’ve any insights do let me know please!
How do I do that? Why do I do that? Is it a childhood thing?
Who knows….I don’t.
The yearning to find my people, this inner ache nags me and won’t leave me alone.
My mind, of course, makes this and me wrong and still I feel an inner steeliness which is demanding “No more!”
It’s time for a change it would seem. One of those choice-less choices that occur in a lifetime. We ignore these at our peril.
“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”
Oprah Winfrey
I think these are my people!
When I was starting out as a coach I was called the pineapple coach.
Let me explain….
As pineapples we are prickly on the outside. You wouldn’t want to sit on us by mistake as you’d feel it! Right?
I think all my coaching clients have been pineapples.
There’s a robustness to us. We don’t huddle together like berries nor do we crush easily - we can stand tall alone.
We have a strong inner core. Yet we’re much softer and juicier on the inside than you’d imagine.
We’re slightly exotic and of course the colour of the sun. We make great cocktails and we can be real party animals!
If you identify with being a pineapple I’d like to know you - It might be party time.
Actually, as I write this I’m imagining my tribe being a bunch of pineapples and that makes me grin wildly inside.
We’d have such fun. We’d break many rules. We’d never be tamed. We’d be irreverent. We’d be robustly supportive, kind, encouraging - we’d rock!
We’d give each other space to shine brilliantly.
Finding Your Tribe: Ignites The Power of Belonging and Authentic Connection
There’s so much that comes with finding your tribe, finding your people.
You feel safe to be fully yourself. No masks no pretending needed anymore. Can you imagine how much energy that gives you back? There’s a deep sense of belonging and acceptance - what a relief!
You know you’ve a strong community that supports and uplifts you. This is comforting especially to our nervous system so there’s much less stress in our lives, less loneliness and more happiness - all of which enables us to be healthier mentally and emotionally.
Your tribe challenges and inspires you to grow. They celebrate your wins, stand by you when you’re struggling or being challenged, they have your back. It’s a win win - everyone gains.
Amongst your people you don’t have to explain yourself. They just get you. This is especially important for highly sensitive and intuitive people. Again more energy back to use for what you really want to create in the world.
When life is tough they’re there for you through thick and thin. They’re unwavering.
You become more self-assured and courageous. You raise your game and aim higher because you’ve got their support and encouragement.
As you’re all in this together, this adventure that is life - no doubt there are opportunities that you and your people co-create together that you wouldn’t have be able to on your own.
Is it time to take a stand for this in your life? To have more of this in your life?
Is it time for you to find your tribe? Your people?
Is it time to be willing to be ruthless and exit all the energy-draining people from your life?
“Your tribe is not found by accident; it is discovered with intention.” Unknown
I’m convinced we’re not taught to be discerning enough about who we let into our lives energy wise. Yet, from what I’ve seen, it dulls too many people’s lights which is such a crying shame.
My invitation to you…..
Reflect upon the following ie start to discern:
Where in your life do you feel truly seen, safe and supported?
Who are the people that bring you energy, inspiration and joy?
If you haven’t found your tribe yet, how can you start? What’s the first next step towards that?
Dream up the vision of already having your tribe, living surrounded and supported by your people. What’s that like? How do you feel? What are you doing or able to do as a result. Dream big as surrounded by the right people anything is possible.
As ever let this be fun please!
When you’re having fun the mind is more open and available to your inner knowing.
With love,
Alison aka Pineapple Queen! 🤩
Pineapple queen!! Yes! I’m imagining you in one of those hilarious pineapple party hats with fun cocktail straws everywhere.
Two things come to mind—the more you ARE your true, unfiltered ‘pineapple’ self, the more you’ll attract (and see) your fellow pineapples. Make yourself ‘findable’ by being what you seek. This is the invitation coming through you—I love to see it. Keep trusting it!
Secondly, we could do a fact/fiction exercise to separate what’s actually happening in these groups (and maybe a story from childhood) from what you make up about it. Something to think about 😚
Pineapple crew!!! I loved this post Alison!! I never thought about what fruit I would be, am I a pineapple? Or something else? If so, I hope you allow me to enter your crew either way!