Let yourself arrive

A smart way to thrive and to avoid burnout or drudgery

Years ago I was sat with a coaching client who’d started her own business.

She was very powerful, driven, fun and she adored whales especially blue whales. This was probably because whales were such a reflection of her own essence.

I knew she would be successful.

She’d invited me over for champagne to celebrate the fact that her business had just secured it’s first £1m contract.

There we were sat in her lounge champagne in hand and something really strange happened………

“Yes but it’s not £10m.”

I nearly spat my champagne out by accident as this remark was so unexpected and contrary to the whole point of us being there together ie to celebrate this big win.

The surprise had me unconsciously react in a “whale-esq” fashion in that I blurted out something along the lines of “Drink your champagne and stop being so stupid!” To which we both roared with laughter.

I also remember when the UK athlete, Linford Christie, having just won the 100m in the Olympics said in his interview straight after the race “Yes but I could’ve gone faster.”

So let’s just pause for a moment and get this straight.

He has just won an olympic gold medal which doesn’t get any better for an athlete and immediately his mind is obsessing over milliseconds of how much faster he might have run??

In my own life the first time I got picked to play field hockey for Ireland as a school girl all of a sudden a voice in my head piped up with “Yes but you’re not on the world team yet.”

These are all examples of the “yes………but…..” game that all achievers play.

We do not let ourselves arrive.

Moving the goalposts means you never arrive

One of the things I’ve noticed with my corporate coaching clients over many years is that when they get close to reaching a goal or have actually realised a goal immediately they move the goalposts and suddenly……

• it’s not good enough or

• it could have been better or

• they could have been better or

• immediately an extended new version of the goal appears from out of the blue

Do you recognize this pattern? Maybe even in yourself?

If you never arrive how can you gauge and appreciate how far you’ve come?

Do you stop and give yourself moments of appreciation for all the hard work, commitment, dedication and challenges that you have gone through to get to where you are?

Do you appreciate, genuinely, what you have accomplished?

Do you appreciate and acknowledge who you have been as well as who you’ve become in the process?

Let me guess……hmmm….probably not? You’re not alone.

That’s why part of my job, as a coach, is often to just make my clients stop, go back and celebrate what they’ve done, acknowledge what they’ve achieved, recognise for themselves how they’ve transcended some inner limitation or falsehood which is often more challenging than any external goal anyway.

I force them to “arrive” until they start to do it for themselves when they see how supportive and empowering a process it is.

As and aside, if you are a leader and you start to do use this yourself it also means that you can choose to incorporate it in your culture so that everyone can arrive and thrive.

Arriving fills you up so you can go again

As achievers we innately want to move onto the next goal and the next goal but if we’re unconscious about our process it can result in us running on empty because we’ve never stopped to fill ourselves up.

It’s smart to allow ourselves to arrive - to fill up - and then go again.

If you take the analogy of a car, you do have to fill it up with fuel, even electric cars need charging, to keep it going.

Yet somehow we’ve bought into the belief that we, as humans, don’t need filling up we can run on fumes.

For some, at an extreme, there’s even a belief that somehow it’s laudable to run on empty - like some type of martyr for the cause syndrome.

Our inner achiever programme can change from being a wonderful creative life force to a soulless, empty and never ending treadmill; a treadmill of diminishing returns and worst case burnout.

Our “arriving” is always around the corner….and then the next corner….and the next……

Allowing yourself to arrive is important and smart - you need it to thrive

What if allowing yourself to arrive supports and empowers you to accomplish your dreams or reach your goals in a sustainable and healthy manner?

There’s a tall hill near where I live and one day I decided to climb it. With my achiever hat on off I marched focusing on the top of the hill - my goal.

I suddenly found, somewhat alarmingly, that it was far steeper than I’d thought.

I was having to zig zag vs climb to avoid falling over which I nearly did on several occasions.

At times when I looked up to the top it seemed really far away and it felt like I wasn’t getting very far. I began to feel frustrated with myself for even having decided to do the climb.

Fortunately, something had me think to look back down the hill to see how far I’d come which wasn’t what I’d have normally done.

To my surprise I’d already come half way up.

This mini “arrival” along the way lifted my spirits, filled me up with energy and enthusiasm to go again vs quit.

Intuitively, I did these mini arrivals of looking back and then ahead several times, I noticed they made the climb so much more manageable and enjoyable.

I also saw much more around me vs just putting my head down and grinding it out until I reached the top. It enriched my experience.

And yes I did arrive and get to the top of the hill. The view was amazing. Yes I did look back to how far I’d come; how I’d had to adjust to cope with the steepness; how the mini arrivals had made all the difference.

Arriving is about:

• Stopping and acknowledging an achievement, an arrival. Whether it’s the realisation of a huge goal or a small goal or mini goals enroute. It doesn’t matter.

• Acknowledging who you’ve been in the process and how you’ve grown.

• Capturing lessons learnt so you can make the most of them moving forward.

• Filling your tanks and celebrating. Why not?

• Recognising that this new you will dream up new dreams from this “new you” place.

• Having fun and more joy.

• Moving from “yes….but” to “yes…….and” which is way more dynamic and expansive.

My invitation to you….Allow yourself to arrive

This is a fantastic time to experiment with this as we’re coming to the end of a year. It also means that you can choose to use it more often next year.

I have no doubt that you will have brought much kindness and wonder to the world this year so I’m encouraging you to actively reflect upon that.

Let yourself arrive → fill up → be ready to go again next year.

Give yourself some alone time to consider these questions - choose to enjoy looking back, seeing what occurs to you - you deserve it.

• What have you achieved this year that most makes your heart sing?

• What have been the most useful lessons this year?

• What challenges did you overcome and how?

• What do you appreciate about yourself in your achieving? Who have you been?

• How have you changed/evolved this year?

• How have you surprised yourself (in a good way)?

• What are all the things you’re grateful for this year? Both external and internal?

May you arrive and consciously close this year out.

The New Year full of new possibilities will arrive soon enough.

Doing these reflections prior will fill your tank and heart up in preparation. Enjoy!

With love, Alison