May your world defy logic and reveal magic

The old leaves before the new arrives not the other way around

Photo by Cesar La Rosa on Unsplash

About sixteen months ago to my horror I started to feel really jaded as a coach. I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.

It felt like my world was falling away and there was nothing I could do about it.

The bridge if there was one had disappeared.

This was super annoying as I’d spent twenty five years of my life coaching and was/am apparently good at it.

Now it was feeling lifeless.

I adore my clients so I couldn’t abide the thought of just coaching them on automatic because I could.

So I wound up all my of coaching engagements apart from two as I was still really enjoying working with these particular clients - and still do to this day.

A couple of ex clients may be coming back and I notice there’s energy to coach them.

But otherwise I was done. It was like a door had closed behind me and my old life was over in that form - there was no going back.

Horrendous for the bank balance!

Then I noticed some close relationships started to fall away out of the blue.

Then I noticed it felt time to take a break from speaking with my spiritual teacher which I’d done each month for years.

Finally, the club I belong to decided to go in a different direction and it meant that a whole group of us who hung out together most week days and had fun playing tennis etc would be going our separate ways.

So the key pillars that made up my world were falling away.

Whilst there were moments of panic, fear and annoyance (ie why can’t life be the way I want it to be) most of the time I felt bizarrely neutral about it.

I’d been through a version of this “leave-taking” several times before so at some level I sensed what was happening even if I didn’t like it.

As ever the clash of the knowing heart vs the angsty head.

When things fall away there’s always a reason - you won’t know why ahead of time

One August, out of the blue all my coaching clients were asking to reschedule out of the month. Whilst August equals holiday time it was super unusual to have zero coaching sessions booked in.

Little did I know that I was going to need the month free but that wasn’t apparent at the time.

My father had been in the early stages of dementia and I was getting calls from my mother back home in Ireland at all hours of the night as my dad was either falling or forgetting where he was etc.

One Saturday night at 11.30pm my mum called in complete desperation as my dad had fallen again at home and she couldn’t get him up.

I remember thinking that I was facing the prospect of having two parents in hospital if I didn’t do something pronto.

This falling away of work gave me the time and energy to attend to something that quite frankly was more important

So I flew back to Ireland the very next day and ended up having to stay there for nearly the whole of August.

Funny how my August had magically been freed up - right?

In the UK to get help from the State when a person has dementia you have to “section” them under the mental health act.

I’m not going to write about that whole episode now. All I’ll say is that sectioning my father was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life by a long shot.

I remember thinking and feeling that I was signing his death warrant.

Yes he did end up in a lovely care home but getting him there was horrific.

Grace works in mysterious ways

On another occasion, I was being developed to be a teacher of pretty deep and transformative spiritual work.

The lady who was training me up had lived with two genuine enlightened masters for over thirty years - boy the stories of what these Beings could do would blow your sox off!

In any event, I was due to spend the following week with her and whilst it made absolutely zero sense to my intellect all I kept feeling in my body was a “no” ie that I wasn’t meant to go.

I couldn’t understand why.

She was on the phone together with the CEO trying to cajole me to attend. All I could do was to keep saying that for some reason I wasn’t meant to be there and I’d no clue why. She could feel the truth of it, the CEO less so.

Next thing Monday morning, I hear this inner voice telling me to go home and tell my dad everything I’d ever want to tell him.

The inner knowing was so strong, I jumped on a plane Tuesday morning and went straight to his care home.

We spent three hours together and I shared memories and everything I was grateful for having him as my Dad.

It’s funny, as his dementia was pretty bad by then he’d no clue who I was and I could see his eyes looking at me sometimes feeling the truth of what I was saying and other times “who the heck is this mad woman saying all this stuff!”

On Thursday on my way back to the airport, my Mum and I stopped off at the care home to see my Dad. There was an ambulance sitting outside and yes it was for my Dad.

He died the following Monday.

Ignore your intuition at your peril

If I’d have been sensible and logical I would have attended that training and I would never had had the chance to spend that time with my father.

It gave us the precious gift of a sense of completion prior to his leaving.

Obviously, at that time I’d no clue that he’d be dead within the week.

In both of these examples, life had freed me up to be where I was meant to be - it made zero sense upfront.

When you have a strong inner knowing trust it….follow it….let it strip things away….let it defy logic so it reveals the magic of life.

Notice that magic can be revealed in sad moments or leave-taking moments when life strips you of something you hold dear. There’s still a magic inherent within the unfolding of life.

There’s magic in not knowing what’s coming next

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Looping back to my current “quiet” space……that I’m calling my “wintering”….

I often joke about how, career wise, I’ve ended up doing things that I didn’t even know existed let alone having had a plan for.

So I’d be pretty dumb trying to figure it out now.

This pause, this plateau in my life, especially my business life, is a sure sign that something new is coming - going back isn’t an option.

I need this quiet (enforced!) time to be readied.

I am “wintering”……

I am reading. I am reflecting.

I am being curious about what’s calling me but it’s not here yet.

I’m doing a breath work course which is fascinating.

I’m exploring the heroine’s journey vs the hero’s journey - they are very different.

I’m learning spanish.

I’m having tennis lessons.

After five decades the trauma of my childhood in N.Ireland is emerging from the body unexpectedly - I didn’t even know I had any.

Where’s all of this leading? - I’ve no clue - yet.

The next path will appear in it’s own time - it can’t be commanded

Photo by Aleksandra Dementeva on Unsplash

As a friend said recently, I’m on a plateau - it’s a time for me to sit on my picnic blanket, drink champagne, eat strawberries and just enjoy the view!

At some point a path, a clearing will emerge and the way forward will pull me naturally.

It will be obvious…..I’ll feel the energy of this innate pull.

If I start pushing and trying to bend life to my will I’ll get into trouble and end up wasting time and my life force going down dead ends.

Here’s the annoying bit for our egos - it’s not on our timing.

We have to be patient.

We have to be trusting.

We have to be open to receive.

We have to be willing to be called….to feel the pull from within…..vs pushing and forcing.

The world would have us be constantly doing but there are many times when rest and quiet are power moves of the heart.

Yet have we not been conditioned to doubt or discount this precious quiet, this rest and this reconnection space. Right?

My invitation to you….

• Recall times when you’ve experienced similar magical and illogical happenings in your own life.

• How have you been supported by the unseen without realising it?

• When have you followed your intuition (vs your head) and honoured an inner pull? What was that like? Where did that take you?

Finally, we are in winter at least in the norther hemisphere - what if you were to explore your version of some “wintering”.

I’ve been blown away by how heavenly it is - just to be quiet, cosy, being with myself, feeling deeply connected within again - it’s like the best hot chocolate on the planet!

Spring will arrive soon enough and if we’ve wintered well we’ll be ready to burst forth vibrantly and joyfully.

Love to you all!