The power in befriending your overwhelm

Especially for High Sensory People

This is my first week back from holiday in Spain and I’ve found, to my surprise, that the vast majority of professional women I’ve connected with are in overwhelm.

Whilst, this is often the case at this time of year, especially in the corporate world, somehow this feels different. It feels rawer…it feels more fundamental.

As ever, since they’re “professional” women they hide their overwhelm well and most people would never know.

We’ve been taught to resist overwhelm and to make it and ourselves wrong

Weirdly (or maybe not) I’d also been feeling overwhelmed for weeks. I’d put it down to finding myself learning three new things all at the same time on top of my normal everyday commitments (Spanish; online writing; creating an online community).

All of these had felt right to say yes to at the time.

However, in my excitement my mind hadn’t considered the impact of several really late night calls every week which wrecked my sleep and meant I’d to dig deep the following days to serve my coaching clients.

Like all achievers, I’d been really driving myself to do the studying, do my homework and to stay on track.

Plus I’ve a programme that says I’ve to be good at things straight off the bat even if I’ve never done them before. This is obviously not helpful when you’re a total newbie at something.

But did I pay a blind bit of notice to the overwhelm as a helpful indicator?

A flag alerting me to the fact that I was “off”? Of course not.

In the face of overwhelm, in my infinite wisdom, I just responded by pushing harder.

As I write this my mind has just chipped in, realtime, with “only losers feel overwhelm” - grief look at that hidden belief lurking in my subconscious! Yikes.

By the time I got to Spain I was feeling completely overwhelmed and my mind was frazzled.

I needed to walk away from my self-imposed strict regime of study. I needed time away from my own minds dogma.

Fortunately, overwhelm is no match for sun, sea and sangria!

How overwhelm impacts those who are High Sensory

I’m assuming that if you read my writing there’s a high possibility that, like me, you’re a high sensory person though you may not know that consciously yet.

I also share this so that next time you find yourself experiencing any of the following you will be able to see them for what they are rather than making yourself and your experience wrong which they aren’t.

You - the real timeless you - are perfect, whole, complete unto your Self - you always have been and always will be.

This is about your experience as a high sensory human being.

As high sensory people, overwhelm often affects our mental, emotional and physical well-being in ways that can differ from those who do not have the trait.

1. Increased stress and anxiety

When we’re overwhelmed we can experience really heightened stress or anxiety which really feels over the top and kind of embarrassing.

Mind you, if you’re like me, you’ve become good at hiding it from others usually by internalising it - pretending you’re fine.

We’ve never been taught that this heightened stress or anxiety is due to the intensity of our sensory and emotional responses ie it feels overwhelming internally.

Because we process so deeply (without realising it until we do) this can lead our minds to ruminate which amplifies our stress and makes it difficult for us to relax or move on from the situation…and round and round we go….

2. Emotional exhaustion

Our strong empathy and tendency to absorb other’s emotions can be really exhausting. Not only are we dealing with our “stuff” we’re also dealing with a lot of stuff from others. That also includes what’s going on in the world.

This is especially challenging if we’re constantly operating in groups or have a busy social calendar (by accident).

In my case it’s the high stimulation of these late night group calls. There’s a feeling of pressure to “keep up” despite being drained and despite it going against my natural rhythm.

3. Physical symptoms

All of a sudden prior to Spain, I started to have headaches and muscle tension which is really really unlike me. The headaches I originally put down to having a gazillion more hours screen time than my eyes were used to which is probably partly true.

As HSPS our nervous systems are physiologically different and consequently often more reactive - I certainly observed myself being reactive to really small and insignificant things which, in turn, made me angry which I then suppressed and consequently that made me even more reactive!

Another round and round we go….

4. Swirling scattered brain

When we’re experiencing overwhelm our minds are scattered - not least because we think too much and too deeply in the first place.

It’s really hard to think clearly, make decisions or focus as our mental bandwidth is just fried by all the sensory or emotional input.

It also feels horrible because we feel disconnected from our inner knowing, our intuition, our mega powers. It’s disorienting, tiring, scary and frustrating.

5. Withdrawing socially

When I’m feeling overwhelmed I really struggle being around people. How about you?

I need solitude and quiet to recover and restore.

If we’re unable to take breaks, we can feel trapped which makes us feel more overwhelmed, frustrated and helpless - worst case we end up in burnout.

So what to do with overwhelm?

Prevention is better than cure…..so it’s smart to:

• Put boundaries and other things in place that set you up to be less likely to end up in overwhelm.

• Be more assertive and “selfish” about your calendar ie to whom and what will you give your time?

• Practise “Traffic Control” is also supportive and restorative. I’ve added a link to my article about this at the end.

What do you know that nurtures and keeps you in equilibrium?

But what to do when you’re in the grip of overwhelm?

• If you make the overwhelm (and you for having it) wrong you’ll be desperate to technique yourself out of it which, in my experience, is usually really difficult and often futile. It’s like wrestling with quick sand.

• You can go and seek help if you really believe it to be a “problem” that needs fixing. Unfortunately, in our minds, this often gets collapsed into the belief that you need fixing which is untrue.

• Ultimately, you just have to let it have you as it will anyway. If you try to fight it there’ll only be one winner and it won’t be you.

What if there’s another more powerful and intuitive way?

Bearing in mind that the rest of the world would have us believe that being in overwhelm is wrong and that you “shouldn’t” be overwhelmed - it dawned on me that there is a totally different way.

What if we’ve got overwhelm all wrong?

In the midst of my brain swirl and fatigue there was a moment when, suddenly, I was totally connected again.

An invitation came through to make friends with my overwhelm vs judging and fighting it.

The reality of what was actually happening, versus my minds projection about it, was just life arising in that moment as what I’d been taught to label as overwhelm.

Any meaning given to it ie good, bad, right, wrong, why etc was all from my meaning making left brain which can’t see the whole.

Immediately my whole body mind softened and relaxed.

As ever, it was simple.

The power in befriending your overwhelm - another gateway to wisdom

In befriending my overwhelm I discovered that it was a big flag waving at me to get my attention in a good way.

I knew I’d been overriding my natural way and rhythm but had chosen to ignore it in service of being a good student.

When you keep ignoring your inner wisdom it’s whisper ultimately becomes a fog horn blaring at you so you can’t not hear it.

• I realised my mind was in black/white mode ie there wasn’t an other way in terms of all this learning.

• My mind relaxed and I saw a new way that was much more suited to my style and rhythm which would maybe take a bit longer but I’d arrive at the same outcome and enjoy the process way more.

• I realised that my ego had inserted itself too much and I’d forgotten who was doing the doing.

• When you are flying and at your best you’ve transcended your ego. It’s why it feels so good. You’re free of your conditioning. It’s like the shackles have been removed and you are free to fly.

• It released me to enjoy the process of learning again in my way.

• All experience is equally valid prior to labelling, comparison and judgement.

Overwhelm isn’t bad it just is.

In befriending my overwhelm: It brought me back to myself; it brought me back to my innate wisdom; it unlocked insights; it gave me a new and more resourceful path forward.

My invitation to you…..

Experiment with making friends with overwhelm when it arises in you.

Spot the signs, spot the symptoms.

Yes for a while the default setting will still kick in to try to defend against it and you get to choose to experiment with a new way.

Welcome your overwhelm…make friends with it…be curious about it’s purpose……be not knowing.

Be open to being surprised.

Let’s all experiment together and let’s share what we discover.

With love,

Alison